ouch in my heart

April 15, 2008

i found out today that the marriage of two good friends (or maybe should-have-been-better friends, or maybe i-should-have-been-a-better friend?) broke down.  i don’t know the details; i only know that he lives in one part of the country and she lives in another.  i trust them.  i’m confident they have quite legitimate reasons for walking away from this marriage project. but… ach.

it’s easy to get lost in ink and paper, in conversations about God and how we should be following him.  i spend altogether too much time following links from blog to blog.  it’s a small step to forget that people (myself included) are living life all over the place.  and more often than not it’s not easy going, this living life.

there are the faceless men on the streetcorner, the girls and women walking up and down the sidewalk, the students busying off to classes and tired parents on their way home from underpaying, overly-demanding jobs.  and there are specific people:  a friend’s wife who is very pregnant, a single mom raising her junior high son, a middle-aged man worrying about his career field becoming obsolete, an old pastor flyfishing in the cold trout streams of my native montana.  and now there are these two friends, living a thousands miles apart, trying to disentangle that last few years of an amateur marriage.

sometimes i need something icy cold, like glacier melt, or boiling hot, like a candle flame, to pull me from my self-absorption.  it’s nice when it’s something soft, something beautiful.  but it more effective when it’s hard and sharp and searing, when it severs nerves, bones, and marrow.

i am going to pray for my friends.  pray for their individual healing, for joy and peace and love.  more, i’m going to pray for forgiveness and for a larger, more attentive heart.  o God, let me not be lost to the living.

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